Personal Growth

Spiritual Ways to Give the Gift of Christ

I once heard of a young woman named Krissy who had a burden for her younger brother to come to Christ. She prayed one Christmas time for what to get him for a present. She later gifted him a Christian biography which her brother wasn’t too excited about at first. However, that book later transformed his life. Her brother is now a best-selling author, speaker, and pastor of a discipleship school. He has traveled around the world and has impacted thousands with the gospel message. And it all started with a single prayer from a young woman.

Another incredible story I heard was of a mother who was burdened for her gay son who had wanted nothing to do with God. She fasted every Monday for seven years and once fasted for a period of 39 days on his behalf, all the while praying this bold prayer, “Lord do whatever it takes to bring this prodigal son home to You.”

Finally, one faithful day, her prayers were answered, and her son was arrested for drug dealing. In prison he found a Gideon New Testament Bible on top of a heap of trash. He filled up his time pouring over the Scriptures, and the Holy Spirit gripped His heart and brought him to repentance. This prodigal son is known as Christopher Yuan who is now a Christian author and speaker who impacts thousands with his powerful message on leading a holy and pure life in Christ.¹ And it all started with a mother’s burden.

Heavenly Vision for Manhood

Whether we realize it or not, God has given us women a special position to be the helpers, encouragers, and supporters in the men in our lives. There are tools available to us that we can wield to help build them up our brothers in Christ. It is fundamental to have a higher vision for men. When we believe they can be built strong in Christ, they will be inspired. When we expect less of them and don’t think they can ever change, they will be discouraged.

The novel Scottish Chiefs originally written in 1810, the book that inspired the movie “Braveheart”, has painted such a grand, heroic, and Christ-like picture of masculinity and has since inspired countless men towards greatness. Believe it or not, this book was written by a woman, Miss Jane Porter². God has designed us to be helpers, and we have a unique ability to influence the men around us in a godly way. What an amazing opportunity we have as women to point men towards a vision – a grand vision of masculinity patterned after Jesus Christ.

3 Key Steps in Shaping Masculinity

There are key steps that must first take place in our lives before we can have a godly influence on the men around us.

1. We must reject the culture’s version of masculinity

The entertainment industry often paints a counterfeit version of manhood. If women are not guarded, they can easily gain a faulty ideal image of men which can attract them towards the wrong qualities. 

If we are to gain a heavenly vision for the men in our lives, it is essential to take time to study in scripture God’s original design for masculinity, replacing faulty ideas with His Truth.

2. We must begin with our lives

First get the log out of your own eye, then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Matthew 7:5

If we want to have a positive impact to our brothers in Christ, we must allow Christ to work out His Truth in ourselves, transforming us into the set apart women He has called us to be. We must let His Spirit purify us in the way we act, speak, and dress around men.

3. We must gain God’s burden

Ask God to give you His heart and vision for the men in your life – a husband, brother, father, friend, or co-worker. Become aware of the spiritual battles and difficulties they face on a daily basis. Pray that you can be instrumental in bringing blessings and encouragement in their lives.

6 Gifts We Can Give Spiritually

Like Krissy, we have the opportunity to play a powerful role in shaping the faith of the men in our families. We can learn to give gifts that go beyond physical gifts on Christmas and birthdays. Moreover, sometimes we can get discouraged or even frustrated with where typically most men are spiritually today. As result, we can easily turn to nagging and to criticism to try and change them. However, men don’t respond well to critical words. They bring the opposite effect we are trying to achieve. In contrast, there are tools God gives us we can wield that can be life changing. Here are 6 gifts we can give spiritually.

1. Prayer

The gift of prayer, as we have seen in others, can bring a powerful impact in the men around us. This kind of prayer is a prayer that wages war and wrestles in the spiritual realms. The idea of “wrestling prayer” is represented in the story of Jacob when he wrestled with God when he was about to face his brother’s wrath the next day. Jacob cried, “I will not let you go until you bless me!” (Genesis 32:24-32). It is the kind of praying that doesn’t let go until we obtain that we have asked for.

Pray without ceasing.

1 Thessalonians 5:17

We ardently and unceasingly pray until the breakthrough comes. Great men of God, such as Christopher Yuan, have been profoundly impacted by women who took their burdens before God with unceasing, tireless, passionate prayers. We can ask God to cultivate this kind of prayer life in us.

Women in the Bible

Moreover, a rather interesting pattern we see in scripture is how God uses the pain and burden of barren women to bring about mighty men of faith. Rachel eventually gave birth to Joseph who became the second most powerful man in Egypt in his time. Hannah’s deep anguish over her barrenness lead her to wrestle in prayer until she conceived life and gave birth to Samuel. He became a prophet, judge, and a wise leader of Israel. And Elisabeth in the New Testament who, after years of barrenness, gave birth to John the Baptist in her old age.

Just as we have been given the ability to labor and give birth physically, what a unique opportunity we have to also labor spiritually and be used by God to help bring about spiritual birth.

2. Words

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit

Proverbs 18:21

We can either build men up with our words or tear them down. Using words of encouragement and praise can help set them on the right path. When we see a unique ability or talent a brother may have, recognizing and praising him for it can motivate him to further develop his gift. When we see a friend, co-worker, or husband demonstrating an honorable deed, acknowledging and honoring him for it can reinforce those godly traits.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in setting of silver.

Proverbs 25:11

Pointing out things they are doing well instead of pointing out things they are doing wrong can help inspire them towards the right direction rather than causing them to turn away and shut down.

Examples of compliments and praise we can give include:

“You speak well!”

“You’re so fast!”

“You’re doing a great job!”

“Thank you for opening the door for me.”

“I appreciate your hard work.”

“You have a gift.”

The Apostle Paul emphasizes the importance of words and says in 1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up”. Words of life and encouragement are a powerful gift we can give.

3. Embracing Vulnerability

In 1 Peter 3:7, Peter refers to a husband’s wife as the “weaker vessel”. It is scientifically clear that men are physically stronger than women. Peter’s exhortation here to husbands does not by any means imply that we are inferior to men. Rather his description here alludes to a fragile and delicate vase that demands great honor and care. 

Embracing our vulnerability is actually a tender gift. When we allow ourselves to be rescuable, it gives the men around us the opportunity to rise up in their strength to be a “rescuer”. 

I once made a trip to my local Home Depot store in an attempt to find something I can use to fix a plumbing issue. With my husband away at a work trip, it was up to me to be the handyman. My husband gave me instructions to go to Home Depot, go to the plumbing aisle, and be myself. There will be men who will be happy to assist me. So, I wondered into the plumbing aisle and looked at the array of pipes, gadgets, and other unknown objects cluelessly. I must have looked rather distressed because an associate approached me in minutes and took pity on me.

“Can I help you ma’am?”

“Oh yes, please! I’m having trouble with a water pipe that I need to connect to my refrigerator.”

“Well, ma’am I happen to be licensed plumber! Let me show you what you need,” he beamed.

Aww, quite the hero!

This whole plumbing ordeal ended up taking two trips to Home Depot. The second experience was the same. Within minutes, a nice gentleman offered his assistance as I wondered helplessly along the aisles. It was his pleasure to use his strength and expertise to help a lady in need. Embracing our vulnerability allows us to step back and make room for men to be rescuers and victors.

I once heard a mom who is training her young sons early to be rescuers. When a creepy spider presents itself in her home, she turns it into a teaching opportunity. 

“A spider! Eeek! Can you come and rescue Mommy from the creepy spider?” she cries. And her boys are happy to come to the rescue. It’s an innate desire in men placed there by God as enunciated in Job 29:12-17:

"Because I rescued the poor who cried for help, and the orphan who had no helper. The blessing of him who was about to perish came upon me, and I made the widow's heart sing for joy. I put on righteousness, and it clothed me; my justice was like a robe and a turban! I was eyes to the blind and I was feet to the lame. I was a father to the needy; I investigated the case I did not know. And I smashed the jaws of the wicked and snatched the prey from his teeth."

4. Submission

Submission has become a sensitive topic. First, please note that I am not suggesting that a woman acquiesce to abusive men. Women who find themselves in such circumstances should seek immediate help.

In the right circumstances such as in a marriage and in the church, submission is a wonderful gift. It makes room for men to rise up and step into their calling as leaders. It is becoming all too common to see women taking control and taking the lead. As a result, we see more men becoming passive and lacking in leadership qualities. This is true in romantic relationships as well. It is becoming more common for women to be the initiators and pursuers in relationships. Unfortunately, this is not the pattern set in scripture.

Ephesians 5:23-24 says:

“For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives should be subject to their husbands in everything.”

We must be careful not to distort this passage and assume it places lower value on women. The opposite is true. Scripture elevates the value of femininity. In light of this verse, it’s important to note that when we submit, we are demonstrating something. We are demonstrating how the Church of Jesus Christ ought to respond to the gospel. Our roles as men and women, and husbands and wives, are revealing the invisible qualities of the Kingdom of Heaven as laid out in Ephesians 5:23-24. Out of reverence and respect, the church submits to the leadership of Christ. Our role in submission reveals this pattern. When we obediently step into our God-given roles, we showcase the Gospel of Christ to the world.³

5. Silence

As mentioned earlier, we women have a tendency to nag, criticize, and make noise when we are frustrated with the men around us. Yet this kind of behavior is unproductive and produces no fruit. In fact, Proverbs 21:9 says, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” This is not a pretty picture!

Interestingly, there are situations in life when silence is more powerful than words. 1 Peter 3:1-2 says:

“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the pure and reverence of your lives.”

Incorruptible Beauty

According to Peter in this passage, our godly conduct is a powerful testimony; moreover, it exudes a beauty that can effectively influence those around us. In a few verses down in 1 Peter 3:4, Peter attributes the godly conduct of the wife to the incorruptible beauty of her gentle and quiet spirit.

“Incorruptible” is defined as “imperishable” or “indestructible”. The Greek word used for incorruptible also translates to “immortal”.⁴ No woman on earth can produce this kind of “immortal beauty” in her own strength. Rather it is only the work of the Holy Spirit that can bring such heavenly beauty as she yields to the transforming power of Jesus Christ in her life.

Furthermore, it is not that this kind of beauty produces mousy, quiet woman who never speaks. This passage paints an altogether different picture. Rather a woman’s sinful nature is quiet and is now in submission to Spirit at work within.

The Blue Letter Bible further elaborates on Peter’s statement:

“Gentleness or meekness is the opposite to self-assertiveness and self-interest. It stems from trust in God’s goodness and control over the situation. The gentle person is not occupied with self at all. This is a work of the Holy Spirit, not of the human will.”⁵

Cultivating this kind of incorruptible beauty is a priceless gift to give to the men in our lives. It has the power to turn the head of an unbelieving husband.

Taking Matters to God

When a husband hurts us or lets us down, it’s a natural reaction to lash out in pain or outburst. However, James 1:20 states, “For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” Rather, a more conscientious action is to take the matter before God in prayer, trusting in Him to make things right. In this way, we are less likely to say anything we may regret later.

Psalm 62 is a wonderful passage to meditate over. It says:

“For God alone my soul waits in silence… For God alone my soul waits in silence for my hope is from Him… Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him” (Psalm 62:1,5,8).

What is more, it is also essential that we find our fulfillment in Christ and not in the perfection of our spouse. No one can ever be perfect in this life. Yes, we can stir them in the right direction, however, we must be careful not to place unhealthy expectations upon their shoulders. Only Jesus Christ can fulfill our deepest needs.

6. Love

Finally, above all is the gift of love. The first thing that older women are told to teach the younger women according to Titus 2:4 is to love their husbands and children. Love for us is a command.

Peter admonishes in 1 Peter 4:8, “Above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins.” The word “fervent” in the Greek means to “stretch out” as in to stretch out as far as the east is to the west, in other words, “without ceasing”.⁴ Therefore, the kind of love we are to have for one another never ends or never fails.

Paul famously describes this kind of love in 1 Corinthians 13:7-8, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” It is this kind of love that never gives up on an unbelieving husband, a prodigal son, a wayward brother, an absentee father, or a lost friend. 

Like incorruptible beauty, we can never produce this supernatural love on our own. It is among the fruit of the Spirit God produces in our lives when we are yielded to Him. So let us diligently seek to cultivate this kind of unfailing love in our hearts.

Final Words

I want to close with this proverb:

“House and wealth are the inheritance from fathers, but a wise, understanding and sensible wife [is a gift and blessing] from the Lord.”

Proverbs 19:14, AMP

The Hebrew word of “wife” is also the same for “woman”.⁴ Therefore, this proverb is applicable to all women single or married. We cannot change men in our own strength. However, if Jesus becomes our First Love and we make Him the single delight of our hearts, it is our love for Christ that will turn heads and inspire men to rise up. What a beautiful thing it is for a woman to be so transformed by the power of His Spirit that He turns her into a priceless gift to the men around her.

Notes

¹Yuan, Christopher, and Angela. Out of a Far Country: A Gay Son’s Journey to God. A Broken Mother’s Search for Hope. Colorado Springs, WaterBrook Press, 2011.

²Porter, Jane. The Scottish Chiefs. Windsor, Ellerslie Press, 2017.

³Ludy, Eric. “Silent: The Beauty of the Bride.” Episode 210. Daily Thunder Podcast. 10 Dec. 2019. https://ellerslie.com/210-silent-the-beauty-of-the-bride-02-eric-ludy/. Accessed 16 Dec. 2022.

⁴Blue Letter Bible. BLB Institute. 2022. https://www.blueletterbible.org. Accessed 16 Dec. 2022.

⁵Blue Letter Bible. Word for “Meek” in Greek. BLB Institute. 2022. https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g4239/nkjv/tr/0-1/. Accessed 17 Dec. 2022.