Believing a Lie
I sat alone for lunch at a local popular restaurant. I was on my lunch break, and soon I would have to drive back for my shift at an OB/GYN medical office. A blank, tired expression was drawn on my face. Business was bustling at the clinic, and endless paperwork was piling up on my desk. I was falling behind the chores at home, and I had to somehow squeeze in a grocery trip in my already-packed-very-short weekend. My daughter was in a daycare with a staff I hardly knew, and my husband was at home sleeping for his later night shift. I glanced at my watch. Thirty minutes had flown by like seconds, and I gathered my things and my scattered thoughts. Then it hit me: I was so unhappy working full-time; in fact, I was miserable. I realized that I had somehow bought into the lie that in order to be fulfilled, I had to have a meaningful career outside of my home. It wasn’t until after I had walked through this valley did I come to understand and appreciate God’s design for biblical womanhood in the home.
Striving for Success
Not too long ago after we moved to our first apartment, I realized a higher income was necessary if we were to one day purchase a home of our own. I took this to mean that starting a career and working full-time was right for me in this season of my life. I had always dreamt of having a successful career of my own and enjoying the status and fulfillment it will finally bring me. Pridefully, I would bring home a larger contribution to the family income and would splurge occasionally on a shopping spree with my own hard-earned salary.
Jumping into action, I enrolled in a medical assistant training program since it was fast and cost effective. Within 7 months, I completed the program, got certified, and became an established MA working in the one health department that I loved most: Women’s Health. It was the beginning of my medical career.
Working Full-time
I can recall the day I was offered a position at an OB/GYN medical office. That morning before I left, tiny two-year-old Addie took my face between her small hands and said with all seriousness, “Mommy, you stay home. You stay home, Mommy.” I couldn’t help but feel a small sting of conviction at that moment. I quickly shook it off and told myself that this was God’s will for me at this time.
Now I had a title to my name. I had my own desk, my own computer. Excitedly, I worked closely with other medical professionals and assisted with several fascinating medical procedures. Determined to excel, I worked hard to improve my performance at work.
About four months into my job, my family had established a routine. Mornings were rushed and sometimes chaotic as I hurried to get to one place to the next. Addie struggled at daycare and would cry as I dropped her off. I would shut out her cries for Mommy and convinced myself that she will adjust in time. However, at the end of the day, I would arrive home exhausted from the busyness of the day and sometimes would bring home a palette of emotions – frustration, anger, relief, and sometimes rage – from the stress and conflict at work. I started to realize that balancing full-time work and my home life was getting harder and harder.
Quality of Home Life
Several months into my career, it slammed me in the face: with working full-time, the quality of our home life hung in the balance. I either excelled at one or the other. Work was demanding enough throughout the week that I had little left to give to my home and family. Exhaustion took over, and I could hardly enjoy time with my family at the end of each work day. Weekends were spent trying to catch up on house work rather than having quality family time. During the week, Addie was gone several hours a day at daycare, and I had little knowledge of what she was learning. At home, she would surprise us with unexpected outbursts and misbehavior that she hadn’t exhibited before.
One night, I sat with my husband as I begrudgingly expounded to him the challenge I faced over balancing work and home life. After listening patiently, he said to me, “I wan’t my wife back.”
Work had changed me, and I didn’t even know it. All this time, I had believed that working outside the home would give me purpose and fulfilment. But the opposite was true. I felt that the quality of our home life was tapering the longer I worked. A decision soon had to be made.
God’s Design for Biblical Womanhood in the Home
This bible verse in Titus 2:3 is famous for the responsibilities given to Christian women. It is no stranger to me and has worked like a beacon when I’ve strayed:
"Like wise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God" (v.3-5).
This bible verse outlines for us what Christian young women should learn about biblical womanhood in the home. I had always believed and esteemed the priority that God places on the family and the home. It grieved me to realize that I had bought into a lie. I believed I would be happier or more fulfilled if I became an accomplished woman who worked outside of the home. I had let my appetite for success and a meaningful career take priority in my life.
Bible commentaries would point out that Titus 2:3 doesn’t instruct a woman to go and work outside the home. Scripture affirms that her primary responsibility is to love her husband, her children, and to work at home; the responsibility of providing for the family is primarily given to the husband (Genesis 3:17-19, and 1 Timothy 5:8).
Her heart centers in her home.
Nancy Leigh DeMoss Wolgemuth
I do want to point out, however, that the Bible doesn’t say that it’s a sin for a woman to have a paid salary; rather, it places a higher value on her work at home. If the quality of her home life is suffering, then a woman must reassess her priorities and make necessary ajustments. It may mean coming away from the workforce for a season. Christian author and radio host of Revive Our Hearts Nancy Leigh DeMoss Wolgemuth clarifies that Titus 2 in the New Testament tells us that a woman’s “priority is to observe and bless and minister to her family. Her heart centers in her home.”
Effects of Feminism
Unfortunately, society doesn’t make this easy for women. Today’s culture places little value on women’s work in the home. Christian author and speaker Mary Kassian who has researched extensively on the Feminist Movement states that Feminism in the 1970s has greatly influenced the educational system and began to portray woman as “executives” and “having power”. She goes on to say:
The basic frame of reference she's being given is that the role of a mom and housewife really is a lesser role and that if a woman does not have a degree and a life plan that includes a career, then she will not be fulfilled.*
The problem with this mentality is the effect it has on women and their families. Society prioritizes and values a woman’s career over raising children and caring for the home. I can certainly attest to the feminist influence growing up. Unfortunately, I remember as a young teen the disdain I had for the homemaking role of women. Kassian explains:
"...[W]omen now have to have a career, and they have to contribute to society outside of the home; and that being within the home, the nurturers of children and the nurturers of the next generation, is denigrated and seen as not contributing to society... Marriages have broken down. Families have broken down. Children are unparented. And instead of seeing the value of nurturing the next generation and the value of pouring our lives out for others, women now believe unless they are being self-fulfilled and having their lives mean something out there, they will not find fulfillment and happiness. The value of pouring oneself out for someone else has really been set aside and gone by the wayside."
Embracing Biblical Womanhood in the Home
After all this, God has washed the mud from my eyes and allowed me to see clearly. I saw the sin that was in my heart that wanted status and recognition, the sin that pushed myself first instead of thinking of others. Society dangled the fruit of fulfillment in front of my eyes the way the serpent dangled the forbidden fruit before Eve, and I was eager to get a taste of it.
But He refreshed anew Philippians 2:37 in my life. The role of a homemaker was not a lesser role. I was embracing God’s design for womanhood in the home. I was learning to walk in the very footsteps of Christ.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking into your own interests but each of you into the interest of others. But your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus Christ who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant."
So I quit my job. On my last day at the clinic, I shut the door behind me as a chapter ended in my life. I felt a heavy burden lift from my chest. I picked up my daughter from daycare for good this time, and came home ready to begin a new chapter. This is my career and mission: to put first my family and my home. And I have found that obedience to God’s call to biblical womanhood in the home reaped for me a greater fulfillment and reward than any career I could ever attain.
In the words of famous missionary to India Amy Carmichael:
He took a towel. The Lord of glory did that. Is it the bondservant’s business to say which work is large and which is small, which is unimportant and which is worth doing?
Read my related article about starting my homeschool journey after I quit my job here.
*”True Fulfillment.” Kassianm, Mary and Leigh DeMoss, Nancy. September 14, 2005. https://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/true-fulfillment/
